Status Quo

I'm often terrified by the thought that nothing in my life will ever really change. I get the sense that there's a status quo for me in regards to my writing "career" and my finances, and that any chance I think I may have to enhance either is a false hope.

Last year I met a literary agent who really built me up, and loved all the ideas I pitched to her; when I sent her my novel, she was very supportive and told me that, even though she didn't represent works in the young adult fantasy genre (as my novel is), she would give the names of several agents who might like it. Long story short, none of them did (one was close to picking it up, but backed out at the last second -- that hurt). I even sent another proposal to the first agent, but she turned it down. So yeah, now I'm right back where I was before I met her, only now I'm dealing with the fallout from thinking I might have finally broken through.

On a similar note, I met this guy at a bar a few months ago who writes a nightly financial newsletter and wanted to turn his old columns into a book. We got to talking, and eventually agreed that he would pay me $10,000 (five up front, five after completion) to edit his columns into a book form. I was ecstatic. One week later, the stock market went to hell, and he's been spending all his time sense trying to get a hold on everything and doesn't have time to work with me on putting the book together. Goodbye, ten thousand.

Shit like this happens all the time; I get excited by the possibility of actually having a tangible way out of the morass I'm currently in, and those possibilities always prove to be nothing more than smoke and mirrors. One of these days I'll learn to just stop expecting anything good, even when people give me "assurances."

Troubling Story

I've been working on another short story (I've really been in a sprint for the past couple months), and this one is fucking with my head. The main character is a voyeur, and writing from his perspective is just... disconcerting. I don't want to mention the plot here, but it's also a little disturbing. It's good, though, I feel up to saying that. It's all just taking me to a strange place.

Anyway, in other news, Purdue finally made the Sweet 16 in the NCAA Basketball Tournament, for the first time since 2000. They'll get annihilated by UConn, but hey, at least they made it this far. Boiler up.

Oh yeah, and apparently my brother's wife tried to kill herself. I don't want to get into the details, but she's physically okay. Mentally, ehhhhh, that might be another story. Maybe I'll get into all that later, maybe not, but definitely not right now.

Money mohey money

I'm really feeling the financial burn, and there isn't a fire extinguisher in sight....

State of the State

Now that I've lived in Maryland for about eight months, I can say that it's probably the worst of the three states I've lived in. Not for the weather or anything, but because of some of the bullshit laws and frustrating hoops I've had to jump through since moving here.

First of all, what the hell is up with this bars must close by 2:00 AM crap? Fuck, even Indiana, a state with the most backward-ass liquor laws around, lets bars stay open to 3:00 or 4:00. And this thing against selling alcohol in grocery stores is annoying too, especially since every liquor store I've found so far closes at 10 FUCKING 30! WTF, mate?

And the license plates... oh, the license plates. I've now been over to the MVA three times in an attempt to get a temporary license plate so I can get a state inspection so I can get an actual license plate so I can get a driver's license. Every time I go, they tell me I need something else that they didn't tell me about the previous time. I'm sure when I go back again tomorrow with everything they said I'd need, there'll be something else I don't have. And it's no small trip out to the MVA from where I live -- it's a good half hour.

And the customers I get at my Barnes & Noble here are louder, more annoying, and more demanding than any of them I had in Indiana or Texas. I've blogged about that before, and don't want to go there again, but I still can't believe how bad some people are there.

Anyway, on a good note, I'm finally fixing the story I was working on that had gotten out from under me and I feel good about it again. This will be the third story I've written in the past couple months that's better than any of the stories I had written previously (not counting my novel). Maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this short story thing after all these years, or maybe I'm just going through a burst of creativity that hopefully won't flatten any time soon.

I'm off to try and finish this story, then figure out just what the hell Etsy is for our class presentations. Seriously, I've never even heard of it before....